I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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