Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
