I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's rum buckets o'clock
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
