I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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