Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
