why do cheetos always look like penises
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
