just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize