Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
