I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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