I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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