she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That accounts for only three of the penises
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
