It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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