she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
