But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
