I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
