i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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