Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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