So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just invented taco cereal.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
