Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
