I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
