Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When did angry sex become our thing?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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