Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
