so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
