all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
