Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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