There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
