For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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