Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
