bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
