just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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