How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All the doctor said was why
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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