That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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