4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
