I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
