I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
