Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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