Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
