I'm gonna have a badass scar
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
