If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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