Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
