can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
