how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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