Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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