i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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