You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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