so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
