Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
