Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
