Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
