So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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