mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
