i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
