god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
