nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
this hospital has no fireball
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
