tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Someone came in the potted fern
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
