I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize