Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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