She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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