Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
