Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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