dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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