What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
