So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
