i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
