your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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